Example 2: ???A person-centric architecture is at the core of our products. Whether implemented
into an enterprise system or interfaced as a particularized solution, our laboratory
software offers unparalleled functional competence.???
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The second example is tougher, because while the sentence is long and uses colorful
words like person-centric and interfaced, it??™s not actually saying too much. Here??™s a possible
revision:
Example 2 (edited): ???Our products, built with the user in mind, help make your laboratory
more efficient.???
It??™s not particularly mind-blowing, but it??™s about the best we can do with such thin raw
material.
Example 3: ???Leverage the power of ever-increasing interconnected media channels by
inspecting them through a marketing lens. This integrative archetype affords businesses a
new context proven for retooling marketers to rethink clients working in a rewired
market.???
This final example is just bad copy. The writer is trying way too hard, and the final text is a
plate of syrupy mush lacking any kind of intellectual nutrition. The message is there, and
it??™s fairly simple once all the layers of language are peeled away:
Example 3 (edited): ???Using a combination of marketing media, you can reach new
customers.
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