Examples of clarification
Taking into consideration everything covered up to this point in the chapter, let??™s take
another look at the examples of the thick corporate speak referenced earlier, and see if we
can??™t increase the signal-to-noise ratio to get a clearer meaning. Here is the first one:
Example 1: ???Although our software can be premises-based or deployed as a fully hosted
solution, we allow companies to automate and streamline processes, progress organizational
efficiency, and concentrate on governance and compliance through the direct management
and explicit control of content.???
This is not bad copywriting per se, it??™s just heavy-handed. It??™s technically correct, but the
cacophony of big words wearies the brain. Here is the same message, but with lighter, simplified
text:
Example 1 (edited): ???Our software introduces new ways to organize your corporation??™s
many kinds of content, increasing employee efficiency and helping to meet compliance
regulations. The software can be installed locally in your company, or hosted through our
datacenter.???
The message is still there, but the delivery is not as dense.
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